Sellsy's Monday Supplement

George Bailey has been quoted in saying that he has great “pride” that three English players have gone home from the current Ashes tour for one reason and another. What a complete knob! So he has great sense of satisfaction that three players careers could be over, one for definite we know. Have these Aussies any morals? Well they are Aussies I suppose, and I don’t expect the word “moral” is in any Aussie dictionary, like the word gullible!

The latest departure from the current touring party is Steve Finn, who has been described by Ashley Giles as unselectable, which is a bit rich coming from him. I can think of some other England players who are unselectable and not only those in the current squad. Ravi Bopara comes to mind.

If you really want to know what unselectable looks like, try going on tour with Over Stowey. The most unselectable tourist I know from the club has been Mark Sortwell. Every morning when he comes down to breakfast he looks like something out of zombie film, in fact he could quite easily be typecast into a role of a living dead type character. 

Unfortunately for him, and for Stowey, he seems to be selected – only because no one else wants to play due to a drinking type injury. Seeing Mark field in the baking heat with a hangover from hell is a sight worth seeing, dehydrated, lethargic, sweat pouring out of him, unable to focus, he can be a sight worth forgetting. One match, he was quite with it, he was on the boundary, the ball was going to his left, we all shouted left, and he ran to his right.

It is not just Mark who has been unselectable on tour. I can think off quite a few players. Phil Baker who slept in the wardrobe one night, he put his back out and was unavailable the next day. Les Biffen, who had a quiet drink with his friends in Marldon one Saturday afternoon, he ended up having a drink with the whole of the village, and not did he become unselectable, but was incapable of doing anything the next day! I could continue, but what goes on tour etc....! Wait to I publish my book, all will be revealed!

Admittedly I have been unselectable quite a few times on tour. One particular occasion, I believe it was the first tour; we didn’t leave the hotel bar until five in the morning. I was selected to play against Cockington the next day (in fact the same day). It was the game from hell. The home side piled on 300 runs plus in their 40 overs in brilliant sunshine. It was so bad that I even bowled eight overs and it felt like every time the ball crossed the boundary it would travel for a further 50 yards down a hill before it came to a stop. For the record, Phil Rich hit about 200+ not out and won the game single handed for Stowey! 

Having learned my lesson from that experience, the next tour I made myself unavailable for the last game against Stokeinteignhead and slept in the bus for most of the game!

Nowadays I just consider myself number 46 on the selection list, now if that is unselectable I do not know what is! 

5.27, Time for a Thatchers before skittles I suppose, where I have been selected to play.